"I have learned this at least by my experience: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." -Henry David Thoreau
So, if you go to www.runraceresults.com and click on the link that says "Breath of Life SPRINT" then click on the link that says "overall" underneath where it says Age Group, you'll see my name on the very top....
because I got first in my division!!!! I can't believe it.... seriously, I can't believe it. I know I could have trained a lot more and am a little bummed that the top girls from last year didn't show up this year, but dude. I won!!! So I guess I did a few things right! It was so close too... the girl who came in 2nd was just 20 seconds behind me.
I'm so excited.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I TRIed. and now I must reflect.
I'll write more later when I'm not exhausted and when I know what my official times were and placing was, but here are some things I want to remember about today for my next Triathlon. Actually, for all my future tris.
10th annual Breath of Life Triathlon in Ventura, CA:
What I liked:
-Friendly race environment (nice people, great cause, great BBQ and Beer garden afterwards... all free. Free!)
-Flat course (which means it's a good place to get a PR if one day that's all I care about rather than challenging myself more to getting a good time at a more challenging race)
-Really competitive!! The top girls at this race in my division have posted 1:10:00 or less for the past few years and I don't think this year will be any different... we'll see
-Ocean swim (it was good to try something new this time
What I didn't like:
-All the drafting. I mean seriously, how can you be a cheater like that?? I wish they regulated that more. Wayyyy too much of that going on.
-I know this sounds spoiled, but I really liked how the Toyota Desert Tri had results posted almost instantaneously.. so it was kind of a bummer not knowing how I did in comparison, but I guess that's a more typical thing for races to do, according to Ryan.
-At times, the roads were really really thin and kinda crappy. not too bad at all but what I didn't like about it was that the race didn't seem organized in a way that would help out with these 2 things... stuff was pretty crazy near transition; people passing constantly and bunching up early on during the ride... I'm sure this contributed to the drafting. People probably thought, well, no one has said anything to me yet so I guess I'll just keep it up!! losers. just kidding. Well, not really.
What I did right:
-I'm glad I stuck with my plan from my first tri of getting in the front of the line before the race began instead of standing towards the back. I think it motivated me throughout it all to stay up and not get passed by the rest of the girls behind me.
-Started out on the bike by keeping my cadence way up so my legs could get warm, then kept a fast pace for the first half. My average had to have been around 22.
-Pushed on some bigger gears for the heart of the bike, then again switched to a lower gear so I could loosen up my legs again for the run
-Thanks to Ryan, I started my run a little slower and shot for negative splits. I definitely got them. 1st mile I think was about an 8:15 (boo) 2nd was about an 8:00 and the last 3.1 was definitely faster but I don't know exactly what it was.
-I pushed through my knee pain. It's really tight right now but I'm really happy I didn't walk at all because I simply just hate the feeling of having to walk.
-And the biggest contribution to my list of what I did right: BEING RYAN'S GIRLFRIEND!! holy crap he did so much for me today. He dragged me out of bed so we weren't late, made me a tasty pb&j- the breakfast of champions, DROVE so I could sleep (or try to anyway), CLEANED my entire bike the day before so it was running perfectly today...wow, carried all my crap around as I got warmed up and got my transition area set up, gave me some great tips for just about everything I did today, cheered me on, ran with me to the end when I was feeling like a truck load of anvils, oh man and he found me toilet paper when the bathrooms were all out. cheesy but true. AND he just inspired me like crazy to go hard. he even stopped at a gas station on the way back to get a bag of ice for my leg. I could never ask for more. thanks boy!
What I did wrong:
-not that I could help it with what I'm trying to set myself up with right now for work, but I definitely could've trained more.
-I should have also paid more attention to my leg before and during the race so that I could make the necessary adjustments sooner (including taking ibuprofen, stretching, doing core strengthening exercises which I just started doing again this weekend... and evening out my efforts in all 3 sports.)
-I forgot about sighting during the swim until I realized about 200m into it that I definitely wasn't swimming in a straight line.
-I could have thought out my game plan for the bike a lot better instead of just going as hard as I could then backing off a little when my legs started burning like crazy then speeding up again... and so on. This made the last 4 miles of my ride exactly the opposite of what I wanted them to be. I wanted to push as hard as I could on a bigger gear with 5 miles left, then shift down a little with about a mile and a half to go then unwind for the last half mile on a really low gear to get ready for the run, but instead I didn't take the time to look at my little computer to see exactly how much more I had left to go.. so instead I was shifting up and down and pushing harder then backing off, and I ended up getting passed by 2 girls who I think were in my age group just because they kept their pace and did what I wanted to do.
-Similarly on the run, I should have pushed a little harder on the 2nd mile, then waited until about the last 1/2 mile to go all out. Instead I pushed too hard too soon and got a side cramp, and my knee came back at me again for the last 1/2 mile. And, unsurprisingly, I got passed by some girl with about 50 yards left to go.
and lastly, BEFORE THE NEXT RACE, I want to:
-Read this post a couple times as a reminder of what works and what doesn't.
-Get my knee as healthy as possible
-Mayyyyybe get new shoes. It's definitely time to anyways.
-Stick with my training plan but also do every workout in the morning BEFORE I get caught up in work then realize it's too late or I'm too tired. I just saw an article yesterday that said morning workouts, compared to evening workouts average out to be 60% more efficient. That's a TON of difference and even more motivation for me to get them done early.
-definitely be able to swim 1000 straight through without stopping.
-do a handful of solo rides that are at least 25 miles, while averaging 20 mph if possible.
-be able to run the full 10k without stopping. I don't even care about my time. That might not sound like a big task, but it is for me because it includes a lot of other details like making sure I rehab my leg correctly and making sure I stay on top of my workouts every single day.
-lastly, I want to check out the course before race day if I can. It's not too big of a deal if I don't but I think it would definitely help.
10th annual Breath of Life Triathlon in Ventura, CA:
What I liked:
-Friendly race environment (nice people, great cause, great BBQ and Beer garden afterwards... all free. Free!)
-Flat course (which means it's a good place to get a PR if one day that's all I care about rather than challenging myself more to getting a good time at a more challenging race)
-Really competitive!! The top girls at this race in my division have posted 1:10:00 or less for the past few years and I don't think this year will be any different... we'll see
-Ocean swim (it was good to try something new this time
What I didn't like:
-All the drafting. I mean seriously, how can you be a cheater like that?? I wish they regulated that more. Wayyyy too much of that going on.
-I know this sounds spoiled, but I really liked how the Toyota Desert Tri had results posted almost instantaneously.. so it was kind of a bummer not knowing how I did in comparison, but I guess that's a more typical thing for races to do, according to Ryan.
-At times, the roads were really really thin and kinda crappy. not too bad at all but what I didn't like about it was that the race didn't seem organized in a way that would help out with these 2 things... stuff was pretty crazy near transition; people passing constantly and bunching up early on during the ride... I'm sure this contributed to the drafting. People probably thought, well, no one has said anything to me yet so I guess I'll just keep it up!! losers. just kidding. Well, not really.
What I did right:
-I'm glad I stuck with my plan from my first tri of getting in the front of the line before the race began instead of standing towards the back. I think it motivated me throughout it all to stay up and not get passed by the rest of the girls behind me.
-Started out on the bike by keeping my cadence way up so my legs could get warm, then kept a fast pace for the first half. My average had to have been around 22.
-Pushed on some bigger gears for the heart of the bike, then again switched to a lower gear so I could loosen up my legs again for the run
-Thanks to Ryan, I started my run a little slower and shot for negative splits. I definitely got them. 1st mile I think was about an 8:15 (boo) 2nd was about an 8:00 and the last 3.1 was definitely faster but I don't know exactly what it was.
-I pushed through my knee pain. It's really tight right now but I'm really happy I didn't walk at all because I simply just hate the feeling of having to walk.
-And the biggest contribution to my list of what I did right: BEING RYAN'S GIRLFRIEND!! holy crap he did so much for me today. He dragged me out of bed so we weren't late, made me a tasty pb&j- the breakfast of champions, DROVE so I could sleep (or try to anyway), CLEANED my entire bike the day before so it was running perfectly today...wow, carried all my crap around as I got warmed up and got my transition area set up, gave me some great tips for just about everything I did today, cheered me on, ran with me to the end when I was feeling like a truck load of anvils, oh man and he found me toilet paper when the bathrooms were all out. cheesy but true. AND he just inspired me like crazy to go hard. he even stopped at a gas station on the way back to get a bag of ice for my leg. I could never ask for more. thanks boy!
What I did wrong:
-not that I could help it with what I'm trying to set myself up with right now for work, but I definitely could've trained more.
-I should have also paid more attention to my leg before and during the race so that I could make the necessary adjustments sooner (including taking ibuprofen, stretching, doing core strengthening exercises which I just started doing again this weekend... and evening out my efforts in all 3 sports.)
-I forgot about sighting during the swim until I realized about 200m into it that I definitely wasn't swimming in a straight line.
-I could have thought out my game plan for the bike a lot better instead of just going as hard as I could then backing off a little when my legs started burning like crazy then speeding up again... and so on. This made the last 4 miles of my ride exactly the opposite of what I wanted them to be. I wanted to push as hard as I could on a bigger gear with 5 miles left, then shift down a little with about a mile and a half to go then unwind for the last half mile on a really low gear to get ready for the run, but instead I didn't take the time to look at my little computer to see exactly how much more I had left to go.. so instead I was shifting up and down and pushing harder then backing off, and I ended up getting passed by 2 girls who I think were in my age group just because they kept their pace and did what I wanted to do.
-Similarly on the run, I should have pushed a little harder on the 2nd mile, then waited until about the last 1/2 mile to go all out. Instead I pushed too hard too soon and got a side cramp, and my knee came back at me again for the last 1/2 mile. And, unsurprisingly, I got passed by some girl with about 50 yards left to go.
and lastly, BEFORE THE NEXT RACE, I want to:
-Read this post a couple times as a reminder of what works and what doesn't.
-Get my knee as healthy as possible
-Mayyyyybe get new shoes. It's definitely time to anyways.
-Stick with my training plan but also do every workout in the morning BEFORE I get caught up in work then realize it's too late or I'm too tired. I just saw an article yesterday that said morning workouts, compared to evening workouts average out to be 60% more efficient. That's a TON of difference and even more motivation for me to get them done early.
-definitely be able to swim 1000 straight through without stopping.
-do a handful of solo rides that are at least 25 miles, while averaging 20 mph if possible.
-be able to run the full 10k without stopping. I don't even care about my time. That might not sound like a big task, but it is for me because it includes a lot of other details like making sure I rehab my leg correctly and making sure I stay on top of my workouts every single day.
-lastly, I want to check out the course before race day if I can. It's not too big of a deal if I don't but I think it would definitely help.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love. -David McCullough
Well, I just opened up my planner to see what I had in store for this week and I realized something: As I went to fold the top left corner of the page like I do every week, I see the number 4 circled (circled enough times to make it look like it's in the eye of a massively wide tornado.. because that's what I do to something that's really really important...) up in the corner. I just realized I have 4 weeks until my first olympic distance triathlon. holy crap.
Okay, I'm done worrying about that now. Today I plan on going down to onetri to try on 2 Zoot tops for my race days. Hopefully I'll find one that's a better fit for what I've got now so I can use it for this coming weekend and also for Camp Pendleton.
For work, the goal today is to set up my contact page- I want to design, build and figure out the code for a contact form that send email using php. I also want to go over my plan for the rest of the website and make sure my outline for all of it is the way I want it to be. That means going over how everything will animate on and off the page, how links will look when you hover over them with your mouse, etc.
Tomorrow, I really want to finalize my media controls now that I learned how to mix up songs and have them loop. That was fun by the way... I ended up taking a Snow Patrol song, cutting it up and pasting parts of it together so that it loops without the vocals. I wanted to mash something together that would give my page a welcoming but professional feel and I think I found exactly that in what I put together.
I got a phone call this morning about 2 potential jobs in Orange County- both of which I'd love to have, so I really need to get cracking on my site before I go for another interview. So we'll see how Huddy Design turns out this week!!
Okay, I'm done worrying about that now. Today I plan on going down to onetri to try on 2 Zoot tops for my race days. Hopefully I'll find one that's a better fit for what I've got now so I can use it for this coming weekend and also for Camp Pendleton.
For work, the goal today is to set up my contact page- I want to design, build and figure out the code for a contact form that send email using php. I also want to go over my plan for the rest of the website and make sure my outline for all of it is the way I want it to be. That means going over how everything will animate on and off the page, how links will look when you hover over them with your mouse, etc.
Tomorrow, I really want to finalize my media controls now that I learned how to mix up songs and have them loop. That was fun by the way... I ended up taking a Snow Patrol song, cutting it up and pasting parts of it together so that it loops without the vocals. I wanted to mash something together that would give my page a welcoming but professional feel and I think I found exactly that in what I put together.
I got a phone call this morning about 2 potential jobs in Orange County- both of which I'd love to have, so I really need to get cracking on my site before I go for another interview. So we'll see how Huddy Design turns out this week!!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
"Pain is weakness leaving the body." Tom Sobal, World Snowshoe Racing Champion
I have nothing more to say right now, I just think that quote is amazing and wanted to post it.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
"It never gets easier, you just go faster." -Greg LeMond
I don't know who Greg LeMond is, but I'm pretty sure Ryan and Mark and every other cyclist does. Whoever he is, I think he makes an outstanding point.
I just got back from a spin class at LA Fitness. It definitely kicked my arse. It did because I wanted it to, so I worked hard and died- the way it should be. The way it should be in everything we ever do.
I think as long as something is hard, it's a good sign of many things: 1, it means that whatever you're working at means something to you because you're thinking about it enough to find a way to get better at it. 2, it means you're trying; if you're not trying to do anything, not doing anything is easy. 3, if something is hard for you, it means you're getting better at it because (a), you're taking the time to care about it, (b) you're taking the time to learn about it and (c)to try to understand it so that you can in fact get better at it. None of that is easy. In fact, the harder it is, the better it is for you.
This might all seem obvious to anyone reading this and yeah, it is, but I think it's a concept that gets overlooked a lot. Especially in sports. Alexis Crimes is so admirable to me, not just because she was an unbelievable athlete and teammate, but because she came into practice everyday making sure things were difficult for her. She for sure wasn't the only one on our team who did that, but I think she is such a clear example of what I'm talking about. I'm not saying that she acted like she couldn't do things, even though she did goof around a lot, but I am saying that she MADE sure whatever she was doing was challenging for her. As soon as she got one skill down, she took on another. And everytime she took on another, she really really wanted to get it down because she always made it MEAN somethign to her, and she always learned all she could about it, and almost every single time got better at it. It was all hard.... but all so worth it. Anyone who has seen her play knows it was worth it to put yourself through all the ass-kicking!
I don't know why I decided to talk about all that right now, but I guess the spin class this morning made me think about it again. I just think it's important to not only realize that obviously, it's hard to get better, but also, it HAS TO BE HARD. You can't possibly get any better- at anything- unless you make it hard in the first place.
The Heart Rate Monitor stats from today:
June 21, 2008: Spin class
-Total Time: 56:12.87
-AVG:159
-%Max:88%
-Max:181
-In Zone (Zone 2): 3:05.36
-Below Zone: 0:0.0
-Above Zone: 53:07.51
-Total: 40% fat
-Kcal: 458
Ventura Sprint Tri this weekend....
The plan for this week:
-Sunday: 20mi Morning ride, 2 mile run afterwards
-Monday: 1100m Morning Swim; 200 warm-up, 400 ladder drill, 300 faster pace, 200 cool down
-Tuesday: Spin class
-Wednesday: 5k run
-Thursday: 1000m swim; 300 warm-up, 500m straight at racing pace, 200 cool down
-Friday: 2mi run, 10 mi ride
-Saturday: off, maybe yoga class at 11am at LA Fitness, double check all my race gear.
I just got back from a spin class at LA Fitness. It definitely kicked my arse. It did because I wanted it to, so I worked hard and died- the way it should be. The way it should be in everything we ever do.
I think as long as something is hard, it's a good sign of many things: 1, it means that whatever you're working at means something to you because you're thinking about it enough to find a way to get better at it. 2, it means you're trying; if you're not trying to do anything, not doing anything is easy. 3, if something is hard for you, it means you're getting better at it because (a), you're taking the time to care about it, (b) you're taking the time to learn about it and (c)to try to understand it so that you can in fact get better at it. None of that is easy. In fact, the harder it is, the better it is for you.
This might all seem obvious to anyone reading this and yeah, it is, but I think it's a concept that gets overlooked a lot. Especially in sports. Alexis Crimes is so admirable to me, not just because she was an unbelievable athlete and teammate, but because she came into practice everyday making sure things were difficult for her. She for sure wasn't the only one on our team who did that, but I think she is such a clear example of what I'm talking about. I'm not saying that she acted like she couldn't do things, even though she did goof around a lot, but I am saying that she MADE sure whatever she was doing was challenging for her. As soon as she got one skill down, she took on another. And everytime she took on another, she really really wanted to get it down because she always made it MEAN somethign to her, and she always learned all she could about it, and almost every single time got better at it. It was all hard.... but all so worth it. Anyone who has seen her play knows it was worth it to put yourself through all the ass-kicking!
I don't know why I decided to talk about all that right now, but I guess the spin class this morning made me think about it again. I just think it's important to not only realize that obviously, it's hard to get better, but also, it HAS TO BE HARD. You can't possibly get any better- at anything- unless you make it hard in the first place.
The Heart Rate Monitor stats from today:
June 21, 2008: Spin class
-Total Time: 56:12.87
-AVG:159
-%Max:88%
-Max:181
-In Zone (Zone 2): 3:05.36
-Below Zone: 0:0.0
-Above Zone: 53:07.51
-Total: 40% fat
-Kcal: 458
Ventura Sprint Tri this weekend....
The plan for this week:
-Sunday: 20mi Morning ride, 2 mile run afterwards
-Monday: 1100m Morning Swim; 200 warm-up, 400 ladder drill, 300 faster pace, 200 cool down
-Tuesday: Spin class
-Wednesday: 5k run
-Thursday: 1000m swim; 300 warm-up, 500m straight at racing pace, 200 cool down
-Friday: 2mi run, 10 mi ride
-Saturday: off, maybe yoga class at 11am at LA Fitness, double check all my race gear.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Hudson Family Softball Team All-Star Report #2: Kelly Hudson
If I published an official article on another one of our teammates, I'm pretty sure it would go something like this:
" Kelly Hudson: How This Amazing Baserunner Has Some Serious Wheels!
Sorry to disappoint, but the answer is very obvious (and extremely literal): She has officially combined her new love for the sport of triathlon with her love/hate... no, kinda like/love relationship with Coed softball!!! See photo below."
My last post, combined with this one can show anyone that last week's game was definitely a very eventful and triumphant outing for Forfeit, Please?. That's because not only did Ryan do a great job pitching after the jazzercise he did ALL day Saturday, Kelly Hudson, the now dominating triathlete, also bounced back to help the team win with her new strategy.
Good job Kelly. Way to come up with an awesome way to cover up the fact that you had some RLS after your triathlon so that we could pull off another win!!
" Kelly Hudson: How This Amazing Baserunner Has Some Serious Wheels!
Sorry to disappoint, but the answer is very obvious (and extremely literal): She has officially combined her new love for the sport of triathlon with her love/hate... no, kinda like/love relationship with Coed softball!!! See photo below."
My last post, combined with this one can show anyone that last week's game was definitely a very eventful and triumphant outing for Forfeit, Please?. That's because not only did Ryan do a great job pitching after the jazzercise he did ALL day Saturday, Kelly Hudson, the now dominating triathlete, also bounced back to help the team win with her new strategy.
Good job Kelly. Way to come up with an awesome way to cover up the fact that you had some RLS after your triathlon so that we could pull off another win!!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Hudson Family Softball Team All-Stars of "Forfeit, Please?"
Ryan thinks I bat like Ichiro now. I can't really see why he'd say that right now but maybe one of these days I will... a pic from our game last Sunday:
Ryan also pitched a great game last Sunday, especially considering he did a ton of exercise the day before on Saturday: a long ride on his road bike in the morning, then mountain biking in the afternoon and running right after all that!! He's beginning to remind me of K-Rod for some reason with his fantastic pitching skills. Anyway, here's a pic I snagged of the all-star:
well that's all for now. maybe I'll do another update of the other Hudson all-stars soon. we'll see.
Ryan also pitched a great game last Sunday, especially considering he did a ton of exercise the day before on Saturday: a long ride on his road bike in the morning, then mountain biking in the afternoon and running right after all that!! He's beginning to remind me of K-Rod for some reason with his fantastic pitching skills. Anyway, here's a pic I snagged of the all-star:
well that's all for now. maybe I'll do another update of the other Hudson all-stars soon. we'll see.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it. -Ella Williams
I love that quote. It's simply but so imspiring to me. I'd like to think that's what I've been doing most of my life. I know I have been over the past few months. What I can't lose focus of is the fact that "biting off more than you can chew, then chewing it" can not only bring a ton of rewards in the end, but can also bring with it (and usually does) even more difficult and trying times. Those times are what ultimately stand in your way and eventually force you to make the decision at some point in time to either accept them and do your best with them or surrender to them. This week, I hate to admit it, but I surrendered for a bit.
I had my first official interview with a recruiting agency based in Irvine. I knew exactly what to expect going in there- a 75 minute test of my skills in Flash followed by an hour long interview and assessment of my portfolio. I did not expect myself to perform the way I did though. To sum it up, I basically failed the initial test. I feel like I recovered pretty well with the interview by using my communication skills and forming a good relationship with the woman who is now my agent for any future jobs I want to get in Orange County. Honestly, I don't see how it would've been possible for a Flash designer/developer to complete the 4 tasks they wanted me to do within the given time unless they were already making over 100k a year at a major design firm. I did my best with the template they gave me, but I just ran out of time. I ran out pretty quickly actually. I completed one out of the 4 tasks and barely started on another task- that one being the hardest of the 4 which I knew how to do best, just when I started from scratch and did it my way and not theirs, as they had set up already.
It was the first time in a really REALLY long time when I felt like a failure. I just kept thinking to myself as I waited for the office manager to score my performance, "I've been training my ass off for the past 7 months and have nothing to show them for it." and "I should KNOW how to do all of that, so much more quickly.." and yada yada yada. Partially, those thoughts are true. I just didn't realize this until last night when Ryan came over and we just sat and talked about it all. I'm so happy we talked about it because he helped me clear my brain for the 1st time since the interview happened last Friday, and what's most valuable to me about this all is what Ryan helped me realize: There doesn't have to be such a thing as Failure.
I'd have to look back on my blog entries so far to be sure, but I think I've posted Thomas Edison's quote somewhere that says, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." That can't be any truer. I remember the day I first thought about that concept which was also the day I became a believer of it. I'm happy I found Edison's quote to make it so clear, but what first made me think about it was this stupid license plate frame that said the cliche, "Failure is NOT AN OPTION." When I first saw that I thought, "Ok, hardass. You must be soooooo successful and determined." But then I seriously thought about it and realized that Failure isn't an option, but really, it isn't anything. NO ONE is a failure. NOTHING is a failure.
I think sometimes people are seen by others as being a "failure," but really, they're not. A disappointment, maybe. But not a failure..Because no matter the situation, that person either (A) tried SO hard to do their job and even more than what they were required to do OR (B) they just didn't put enough effort in in the first place to do their job, so it just didn't get done. In case (A), they're not a failure if they tried their best. That's all there is to that... it's impossible, to me anyway, to label yourself or someone else as a failure if they did everything they possibly could've done. That's where the disappointment comes in- when you did in fact try, but still couldn't come away with the type of win you were looking for. That just sucks! It's not failing, it's just coming up short. In case (B), it's impossible to fail when you don't try. Simply put, you're not a failure, but you are just lazy. Lazy to some degree.
Bottom line is this: Yeah, that hardass driving around with the cheesy licence plate frame is right: Failure is not an option. He's right because failure is nothing at all. It's a meaningless term we've come up with to inaccurately combine the 2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT types of people that I described in cases A and B. What his frame should say is something like, "Success is an option and so is being lazy." but he wouldn't... because it's too obvious a statement. But it really isn't!!!
I guess the reason I'm talking about all of this in here is because although I came to this "conclusion" (or whatever you want to call it) a while back, I had forgotten it all when I walked out of that office after my interview. I'm SO so blessed to have Ryan in my life to help bring me back to my rational ways of thinking and back to the valuable realizations I've made throughout my life (like the one I've written a ton about in this post) that keep me grounded and optimistic, rather than just shutting them out while I surrender to whatever it is that challenges all I've come to really learn and appreciate.
I've taken on a lot of goals this summer, especially in terms of job training and working alone, aside from triathlon and other parts of my life right now. But, I'm definitely excited to "chew it." And I don't plan on wasting any more time surrendering to crap that's going to happen anyway, as long as I'm doing everything I possibly can to avoid it all.
I had my first official interview with a recruiting agency based in Irvine. I knew exactly what to expect going in there- a 75 minute test of my skills in Flash followed by an hour long interview and assessment of my portfolio. I did not expect myself to perform the way I did though. To sum it up, I basically failed the initial test. I feel like I recovered pretty well with the interview by using my communication skills and forming a good relationship with the woman who is now my agent for any future jobs I want to get in Orange County. Honestly, I don't see how it would've been possible for a Flash designer/developer to complete the 4 tasks they wanted me to do within the given time unless they were already making over 100k a year at a major design firm. I did my best with the template they gave me, but I just ran out of time. I ran out pretty quickly actually. I completed one out of the 4 tasks and barely started on another task- that one being the hardest of the 4 which I knew how to do best, just when I started from scratch and did it my way and not theirs, as they had set up already.
It was the first time in a really REALLY long time when I felt like a failure. I just kept thinking to myself as I waited for the office manager to score my performance, "I've been training my ass off for the past 7 months and have nothing to show them for it." and "I should KNOW how to do all of that, so much more quickly.." and yada yada yada. Partially, those thoughts are true. I just didn't realize this until last night when Ryan came over and we just sat and talked about it all. I'm so happy we talked about it because he helped me clear my brain for the 1st time since the interview happened last Friday, and what's most valuable to me about this all is what Ryan helped me realize: There doesn't have to be such a thing as Failure.
I'd have to look back on my blog entries so far to be sure, but I think I've posted Thomas Edison's quote somewhere that says, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." That can't be any truer. I remember the day I first thought about that concept which was also the day I became a believer of it. I'm happy I found Edison's quote to make it so clear, but what first made me think about it was this stupid license plate frame that said the cliche, "Failure is NOT AN OPTION." When I first saw that I thought, "Ok, hardass. You must be soooooo successful and determined." But then I seriously thought about it and realized that Failure isn't an option, but really, it isn't anything. NO ONE is a failure. NOTHING is a failure.
I think sometimes people are seen by others as being a "failure," but really, they're not. A disappointment, maybe. But not a failure..Because no matter the situation, that person either (A) tried SO hard to do their job and even more than what they were required to do OR (B) they just didn't put enough effort in in the first place to do their job, so it just didn't get done. In case (A), they're not a failure if they tried their best. That's all there is to that... it's impossible, to me anyway, to label yourself or someone else as a failure if they did everything they possibly could've done. That's where the disappointment comes in- when you did in fact try, but still couldn't come away with the type of win you were looking for. That just sucks! It's not failing, it's just coming up short. In case (B), it's impossible to fail when you don't try. Simply put, you're not a failure, but you are just lazy. Lazy to some degree.
Bottom line is this: Yeah, that hardass driving around with the cheesy licence plate frame is right: Failure is not an option. He's right because failure is nothing at all. It's a meaningless term we've come up with to inaccurately combine the 2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT types of people that I described in cases A and B. What his frame should say is something like, "Success is an option and so is being lazy." but he wouldn't... because it's too obvious a statement. But it really isn't!!!
I guess the reason I'm talking about all of this in here is because although I came to this "conclusion" (or whatever you want to call it) a while back, I had forgotten it all when I walked out of that office after my interview. I'm SO so blessed to have Ryan in my life to help bring me back to my rational ways of thinking and back to the valuable realizations I've made throughout my life (like the one I've written a ton about in this post) that keep me grounded and optimistic, rather than just shutting them out while I surrender to whatever it is that challenges all I've come to really learn and appreciate.
I've taken on a lot of goals this summer, especially in terms of job training and working alone, aside from triathlon and other parts of my life right now. But, I'm definitely excited to "chew it." And I don't plan on wasting any more time surrendering to crap that's going to happen anyway, as long as I'm doing everything I possibly can to avoid it all.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
"You want to know what the meaning of life is? I can tell you. After all my searching and questions and living it comes down to one thing...
...The true, main reason we're here is to help people. It's that simple. God put us here to help eachother." -Bill Hudson
I actually wrote this back on January 4, 2005 but I definitely think it's worth another read, for everyone. That means YOU.
alright i HAVE to write this down before i end up losing it. so about that homeless shelter i went to. we walk up to this house, go inside, see that there's almost no furniture, black floors that used to be light brown wood, just cold spaces all throughout, stacks of black trash bags filled with who knows what, then piles of other donated things. piles and piles of stuff that looks like someone was too frustrated to actually completely organize so they just stacked it all up even higher, which i learned was totally understandable at this place .. then upstairs there were a TON of wrapped boxes which was awesome to see. except you know that some of the people who gave all this stuff to this house had already used it for about as much as they possibly could without having it dissolve or something... then decided to send it there for someone "less fortunate" to gratefully use. not all the stuff was like that, thank god. i mean, it WAS christmas day.
then we go out towards the balcony that overlooks the backyard.
you look straight out to see a couple nice looking trees, and the old stores on the other side of the wall. then you look down at the yard and see about a hundred homeless people- lot of moms, little kids mostly ages 3-10 but some newborns and teens, former gangster dads with limps and canes, old men, bitter little girls, selfish little boys.... all dressed in binis, sweat pants, torn up slippers, flannels... all beyond dirty to say the least. and they ALL SLEEP OUT THERE every single night. on wooden beds, one for each family. their backyards are someone else's trash from 2 weeks ago, another kids dirty diaper... it's awful. yet some kids are so happy that it's their day and turn to play with the new racecar, even though there's no track clean enough to keep the wheels from sticking to the ground.
so after sorting through the wrapped presents, i'm told to put the santa hat on and bring down the sweatshirts that were donated for the older men. the only personal touch for the guys receiving the sweatshirts is the size that's marked on the top of the box. we have no idea what they look like. anyways. i go down there, 2 boxes at a time, with the guy who helps run the household, meeting these men and finding out their size. i wasn't allowed to do it myself because the couple who owns the house was afraid of a riot.... no joke... because everyone down there wants something new so bad!
so i go down there, walk around with this guy while i can feel my shoes sticking to the ground everytime i step. this is even AFTER i spent a good 45 minutes sweeping the whole yard with my fam while trying to stay out of people's way, wondering if they're just going to start something with me and my clean clothes and tiffany's necklace. and we come up to an older man, actually a nice guy but very particular and choosy with his life. he went on about what he thought of the place, then about how his health care is all screwed up and what needs to be done.. he's saying all this to the main guy who's helping me, i think his name was Brian. so Brian says, you know what? i have something for you for Christmas. It's a brand new sweat shirt, just tell me what size you.... and the guy goes, "oh good!! can i have a red one? but i DON'T want a hood on it. I HATE hoods, they get in the way. you know, one that's comfy and red, i need a good fit." and here i am thinking, how can you say that?? here you are living without a home, (definitely without a toothbrush!) and going about life like this and you're willing to be upset if you don't get the right sweatshirt you wanted, of all the different kinds of sweatshirts there are in this country?? holy hell. it made me mad. it's like, take the sweatshirt and be happy you have it to save yourself from hypothermia these days while you're looking for work!
so finally brian goes, alright sir, we'll see what we can do for ya... knowing he'll just have to get what he gets then move on to the next guy. so i yell up to the room, i need a large! bring it back to the guy, and he straight up opens up a red, hoodless sweatshirt. my jaw dropped.
so it's now a couple weeks after Christmas and i still don't know if i'm feeling that whole, "I'm so glad i went to that place because i feel like i really made a difference there by handing out gifts to the kids, talking with the mothers and hearing their stories, sweeping up trash, being more appreciative of what i have now" feeling. i should've had it as soon as i walked out of there but i think all of us instead just wanted a good shower. BUT i did take something huge from that. and that's knowing that God has a part in everything and everyone. that red sweatshirt said it all to me. what are the chances????? that's NOT an act of coincidence or chance. that's flat out God saying that he's gonna do everything he can and take part in everyone's life if people let him, no matter the circumstances. i had no idea what that man's story was, or what he had been doing with his life the day before i met him. but maybe it was something that god felt deserved a red sweatshirt once in a while.
I need to start helping people again.
I actually wrote this back on January 4, 2005 but I definitely think it's worth another read, for everyone. That means YOU.
alright i HAVE to write this down before i end up losing it. so about that homeless shelter i went to. we walk up to this house, go inside, see that there's almost no furniture, black floors that used to be light brown wood, just cold spaces all throughout, stacks of black trash bags filled with who knows what, then piles of other donated things. piles and piles of stuff that looks like someone was too frustrated to actually completely organize so they just stacked it all up even higher, which i learned was totally understandable at this place .. then upstairs there were a TON of wrapped boxes which was awesome to see. except you know that some of the people who gave all this stuff to this house had already used it for about as much as they possibly could without having it dissolve or something... then decided to send it there for someone "less fortunate" to gratefully use. not all the stuff was like that, thank god. i mean, it WAS christmas day.
then we go out towards the balcony that overlooks the backyard.
you look straight out to see a couple nice looking trees, and the old stores on the other side of the wall. then you look down at the yard and see about a hundred homeless people- lot of moms, little kids mostly ages 3-10 but some newborns and teens, former gangster dads with limps and canes, old men, bitter little girls, selfish little boys.... all dressed in binis, sweat pants, torn up slippers, flannels... all beyond dirty to say the least. and they ALL SLEEP OUT THERE every single night. on wooden beds, one for each family. their backyards are someone else's trash from 2 weeks ago, another kids dirty diaper... it's awful. yet some kids are so happy that it's their day and turn to play with the new racecar, even though there's no track clean enough to keep the wheels from sticking to the ground.
so after sorting through the wrapped presents, i'm told to put the santa hat on and bring down the sweatshirts that were donated for the older men. the only personal touch for the guys receiving the sweatshirts is the size that's marked on the top of the box. we have no idea what they look like. anyways. i go down there, 2 boxes at a time, with the guy who helps run the household, meeting these men and finding out their size. i wasn't allowed to do it myself because the couple who owns the house was afraid of a riot.... no joke... because everyone down there wants something new so bad!
so i go down there, walk around with this guy while i can feel my shoes sticking to the ground everytime i step. this is even AFTER i spent a good 45 minutes sweeping the whole yard with my fam while trying to stay out of people's way, wondering if they're just going to start something with me and my clean clothes and tiffany's necklace. and we come up to an older man, actually a nice guy but very particular and choosy with his life. he went on about what he thought of the place, then about how his health care is all screwed up and what needs to be done.. he's saying all this to the main guy who's helping me, i think his name was Brian. so Brian says, you know what? i have something for you for Christmas. It's a brand new sweat shirt, just tell me what size you.... and the guy goes, "oh good!! can i have a red one? but i DON'T want a hood on it. I HATE hoods, they get in the way. you know, one that's comfy and red, i need a good fit." and here i am thinking, how can you say that?? here you are living without a home, (definitely without a toothbrush!) and going about life like this and you're willing to be upset if you don't get the right sweatshirt you wanted, of all the different kinds of sweatshirts there are in this country?? holy hell. it made me mad. it's like, take the sweatshirt and be happy you have it to save yourself from hypothermia these days while you're looking for work!
so finally brian goes, alright sir, we'll see what we can do for ya... knowing he'll just have to get what he gets then move on to the next guy. so i yell up to the room, i need a large! bring it back to the guy, and he straight up opens up a red, hoodless sweatshirt. my jaw dropped.
so it's now a couple weeks after Christmas and i still don't know if i'm feeling that whole, "I'm so glad i went to that place because i feel like i really made a difference there by handing out gifts to the kids, talking with the mothers and hearing their stories, sweeping up trash, being more appreciative of what i have now" feeling. i should've had it as soon as i walked out of there but i think all of us instead just wanted a good shower. BUT i did take something huge from that. and that's knowing that God has a part in everything and everyone. that red sweatshirt said it all to me. what are the chances????? that's NOT an act of coincidence or chance. that's flat out God saying that he's gonna do everything he can and take part in everyone's life if people let him, no matter the circumstances. i had no idea what that man's story was, or what he had been doing with his life the day before i met him. but maybe it was something that god felt deserved a red sweatshirt once in a while.
I need to start helping people again.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
I seriously think the next Hudson family reunion (including the Weeger Family reunion.. if you've even had one before.. same with the Rambis and Lee and ALL OTHER FAMILIES WE KNOW!!!) SHOULD BE PLANNED AROUND RENTING A ZORB!! The only reason I say rent is because we can't buy our own. and trust me, I would buy. just a thought.... a thought that happens to be on the top of my bucketlist now...
Check out their website with the FAQs:
http://www.zorb.com/smoky/faq/index.html
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
"When you're young, the silliest notions seem the greatest achievements." -Pearl Bailey
Alright, here's what I've been up to this week!!
For Wah-Tah!:
-The header for the website I'm building for the whole company:
For Wah-Tah!:
-The header for the website I'm building for the whole company:
and the newest T-shirt design:
-The latest edition of shelf talkers for Scott Harvey Wines (the rest of the ones I've done in the past are at http://www.scottharveywines.com/html/trade.htm and they're all of the "hand made shelf talkers" and some of the others that aren't linked up as hand made. basically, all of their shelf talkers that have trader joe's style illustrations):
Annnnnnd my last thoughts for the day:
I think Pearl Bailey has a good point and I think she brings up another one that a lot of us overlook sometimes: It's never REQUIRED of us by anyone that we must be young to feel accomplished through something we might consider to be silly. It's only required by ourselves... by those of us who can't feel good about accomplishing something so small. I say, if you want to do such a thing, all you have to do is pick up a box of crayons, doodle around for a bit like you did when you were "young" and feel good about it. Because yeah, I just did all that for part of a job, but you know what? It felt good and I feel accomplished!!
I know that was pretty random, but you all know I'm a big believer in doing things that would prove such a quote totally wrong!! I'm glad I am too because I'm pretty sure it's stuff like that that keeps you young. Maybe that goes back to making her quote right actually...
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