"You want to know what the meaning of life is? I can tell you. After all my searching and questions and living it comes down to one thing...

...The true, main reason we're here is to help people. It's that simple. God put us here to help eachother." -Bill Hudson

I actually wrote this back on January 4, 2005 but I definitely think it's worth another read, for everyone. That means YOU.

alright i HAVE to write this down before i end up losing it. so about that homeless shelter i went to. we walk up to this house, go inside, see that there's almost no furniture, black floors that used to be light brown wood, just cold spaces all throughout, stacks of black trash bags filled with who knows what, then piles of other donated things. piles and piles of stuff that looks like someone was too frustrated to actually completely organize so they just stacked it all up even higher, which i learned was totally understandable at this place .. then upstairs there were a TON of wrapped boxes which was awesome to see. except you know that some of the people who gave all this stuff to this house had already used it for about as much as they possibly could without having it dissolve or something... then decided to send it there for someone "less fortunate" to gratefully use. not all the stuff was like that, thank god. i mean, it WAS christmas day.

then we go out towards the balcony that overlooks the backyard.

you look straight out to see a couple nice looking trees, and the old stores on the other side of the wall. then you look down at the yard and see about a hundred homeless people- lot of moms, little kids mostly ages 3-10 but some newborns and teens, former gangster dads with limps and canes, old men, bitter little girls, selfish little boys.... all dressed in binis, sweat pants, torn up slippers, flannels... all beyond dirty to say the least. and they ALL SLEEP OUT THERE every single night. on wooden beds, one for each family. their backyards are someone else's trash from 2 weeks ago, another kids dirty diaper... it's awful. yet some kids are so happy that it's their day and turn to play with the new racecar, even though there's no track clean enough to keep the wheels from sticking to the ground.

so after sorting through the wrapped presents, i'm told to put the santa hat on and bring down the sweatshirts that were donated for the older men. the only personal touch for the guys receiving the sweatshirts is the size that's marked on the top of the box. we have no idea what they look like. anyways. i go down there, 2 boxes at a time, with the guy who helps run the household, meeting these men and finding out their size. i wasn't allowed to do it myself because the couple who owns the house was afraid of a riot.... no joke... because everyone down there wants something new so bad!

so i go down there, walk around with this guy while i can feel my shoes sticking to the ground everytime i step. this is even AFTER i spent a good 45 minutes sweeping the whole yard with my fam while trying to stay out of people's way, wondering if they're just going to start something with me and my clean clothes and tiffany's necklace. and we come up to an older man, actually a nice guy but very particular and choosy with his life. he went on about what he thought of the place, then about how his health care is all screwed up and what needs to be done.. he's saying all this to the main guy who's helping me, i think his name was Brian. so Brian says, you know what? i have something for you for Christmas. It's a brand new sweat shirt, just tell me what size you.... and the guy goes, "oh good!! can i have a red one? but i DON'T want a hood on it. I HATE hoods, they get in the way. you know, one that's comfy and red, i need a good fit." and here i am thinking, how can you say that?? here you are living without a home, (definitely without a toothbrush!) and going about life like this and you're willing to be upset if you don't get the right sweatshirt you wanted, of all the different kinds of sweatshirts there are in this country?? holy hell. it made me mad. it's like, take the sweatshirt and be happy you have it to save yourself from hypothermia these days while you're looking for work!

so finally brian goes, alright sir, we'll see what we can do for ya... knowing he'll just have to get what he gets then move on to the next guy. so i yell up to the room, i need a large! bring it back to the guy, and he straight up opens up a red, hoodless sweatshirt. my jaw dropped.

so it's now a couple weeks after Christmas and i still don't know if i'm feeling that whole, "I'm so glad i went to that place because i feel like i really made a difference there by handing out gifts to the kids, talking with the mothers and hearing their stories, sweeping up trash, being more appreciative of what i have now" feeling. i should've had it as soon as i walked out of there but i think all of us instead just wanted a good shower. BUT i did take something huge from that. and that's knowing that God has a part in everything and everyone. that red sweatshirt said it all to me. what are the chances????? that's NOT an act of coincidence or chance. that's flat out God saying that he's gonna do everything he can and take part in everyone's life if people let him, no matter the circumstances. i had no idea what that man's story was, or what he had been doing with his life the day before i met him. but maybe it was something that god felt deserved a red sweatshirt once in a while.


I need to start helping people again.